A dementia diagnosis in a family member is often devastating, not just for the person diagnosed, but for their loved ones as well. When it’s a grandparent or parent who’s affected, children may have a hard time processing the changes they’re witnessing. Explaining dementia to children—especially when it involves someone they love—can be overwhelming. But addressing it early, in an age-appropriate way, can help reduce fear, foster empathy, and maintain meaningful connections as the disease progresses.
Understanding Dementia: The Disease That Affects More Than Just Memory
Dementia is a progressive condition that impacts a person’s memory, thinking, and ability to carry out everyday tasks. As symptoms worsen over time, the person’s personality and behavior can also change. Having a grandparent with dementia can be scary for some children. Children witnessing their grandparent forget names, repeat themselves, or act confused can be alarmed and unsure of what’s happening. They may not understand the changes they’re seeing and may even feel scared or disconnected from their loved one.
As parents, it’s essential to provide clarity to children about dementia. Simple and honest language is the key to easing confusion and helping kids process the changes they are observing.
How to Talk to Kids About Dementia: Age-Appropriate Explanations
When explaining dementia, it’s important to adjust the level of detail based on the child’s age. For younger children, keep it simple and reassuring: “Grandma’s brain isn’t working as well as it used to, so sometimes she forgets things. That’s not her fault, and it’s not something you caused.” For older children and teenagers, provide a more in-depth explanation: “Dementia affects the brain, and it can change the way someone acts. Sometimes, they forget things or get frustrated, and it can be difficult for them.”
The goal is to create an open space for discussion. Encourage your children to ask questions and express their concerns, which will help them better understand the situation and feel less anxious.
Maintaining Strong Connections Despite Memory Loss
While dementia may rob a grandparent or parent of their memory, it doesn’t erase their ability to connect with loved ones emotionally. Even as the disease progresses, children can continue to bond with their grandparent by participating in activities that rely on emotions rather than memory. For example, looking through old photo albums, listening to familiar music, or engaging in simple games can bring joy to both the grandparent and child.
Preparing children for the behavioral changes they may observe can reduce their confusion and anxiety. Let them know that if their grandparent struggles to remember their name or acts frustrated, it’s not a reflection of their love for them. These changes are due to the disease and not a sign of anything being wrong with their relationship.
Supporting Your Child Through Emotional Struggles
Watching a loved one decline can be incredibly challenging for children. They may experience sadness, frustration, or even fear. It’s crucial to create an environment where children feel safe to express these emotions. Normalizing their feelings—through conversations, reading books about dementia, and sharing memories—can help them process their emotions in a healthy way.
If your child is struggling to cope with the situation, you might want to explore additional resources, such as support groups for children of dementia patients or speaking with a school counselor. The ultimate goal is to help children feel emotionally secure and supported, even as their relationship with their grandparent or parent changes.
Key Takeaways: How to Support Your Children in Understanding Dementia
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Honest and simple explanations ease confusion: Having a grandparent with dementia does not mean the relationship has to end, just change. Younger children need clear and simple information, while older children can benefit from more detailed explanations.
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Open discussions encourage emotional expression: Encouraging children to ask questions helps them process the situation and feel reassured.
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Engaging activities foster meaningful bonds: Connecting with grandparents through music, stories, and familiar routines maintains the emotional connection despite memory loss.
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Preparing children for behavioral changes reduces fear: Explaining that certain behaviors are a result of dementia, not a lack of love, can prevent unnecessary anxiety.
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Ongoing support provides comfort: Books, therapy, and family discussions can help children navigate their emotions as the disease progresses.
Contact Vick Law for Help with Estate Planning for a Loved One with Dementia
If your family is navigating the challenges of a loved one’s dementia diagnosis, having a clear estate plan is essential. At Vick Law, we create estate plans for families facing dementia and other challenges. We can help you set up legal protections, such as Power of Attorney, and ensure your loved one’s assets are handled properly. Contact us today to schedule a consultation and learn how we can guide you through the estate planning process for a loved one with dementia.
References: AARP (Feb. 12, 2025) “How to Talk to Your Grandkids About Dementia”, Alzheimer’s Association “Talking to Kids About Alzheimer’s and Dementia” and Alzheimer’s Association "What Is Dementia?"
