Maybe you've noticed that Mom's bills are piling up. She's forgotten to pay the electric bill twice, yet insists everything is fine. When you offer to help, she gets upset and tells you to stay out of her finances.
Perhaps Dad has been diagnosed with dementia. You know he needs more help, but he refuses to discuss a Power of Attorney because he thinks signing one means giving up control of his life.
For adult children, these situations can be heartbreaking. You're trying to keep someone you love safe while respecting the independence they've had their entire life. When you discover that being their child doesn't automatically give you authority to handle their finances or make decisions for them, the situation can become even more frustrating.
Families in Greenwood, Center Grove, and Southside Indianapolis bring us concerns like these. Caregivers also frequently ask how to help a parent who refuses assistance, what to do when bills go unpaid, and whether it's too late to prepare legal documents after a dementia diagnosis.
The answer depends on your parent's ability to make the particular decision, the documents already in place, and the type of help they need.
Can You Get Power of Attorney for a Parent Who Refuses?
A Power of Attorney, often called a POA, is a legal document through which one person authorizes another person to act on their behalf. A financial Power of Attorney can give a trusted person authority to handle matters such as paying bills, managing accounts, or addressing other financial and legal responsibilities, depending on its terms.
A Power of Attorney is something your parent chooses to give. You cannot simply obtain one because you're their adult child, and you cannot sign it for them because you believe they need help. Your parent must have the capacity required to understand the document and voluntarily grant that authority. Pressuring someone to sign when they don't understand what they're doing can raise serious questions about whether the document is valid. This leaves families in a difficult position. They can see a problem developing, but they don't yet have the legal authority to address it.
Does a Dementia Diagnosis Mean It's Too Late to Sign a Power of Attorney?
Not necessarily. A dementia diagnosis does not automatically mean someone has lost the ability to make every legal decision. Capacity depends on the particular decision and the person's ability to understand it. A parent may need help remembering appointments or managing complicated bills while still understanding whom they trust and what authority a Power of Attorney would grant.
Families shouldn't assume that planning is impossible simply because dementia has been diagnosed. They also shouldn't assume a signature is valid simply because their parent can still write their name.
If your parent has been diagnosed with dementia but may still be able to participate in planning, speak with an Indiana elder law attorney promptly. The attorney can discuss the legal requirements, meet with your parent as appropriate, and assess what planning may still be possible. A medical evaluation may also be helpful when capacity is uncertain.
The important thing is to give your parent the opportunity to make their own decisions for as long as they can.
What If Mom Says She Doesn't Need Help?
This may be the hardest part of the entire situation.
A parent may refuse a medical evaluation, become suspicious when finances are mentioned, or insist that bills have been paid when they remain outstanding. Even families with an existing Power of Attorney can struggle when a parent resists assistance. Having a conversation that begins with a statement about what your parent can no longer do may quickly become an argument about independence. When your parent can still participate in planning, a future-focused conversation may be more productive.
For example, you might ask who they would want to handle bills if they were hospitalized for a few weeks, or who they would trust to speak with doctors if they couldn't communicate. These questions give your parent a chance to express their wishes rather than feel that someone else has already made the decision.
Sometimes a parent may also be more comfortable discussing legal documents with an attorney or another trusted professional than with an adult child. The goal is not to persuade someone to sign something they don't understand. It's to help them understand their options while they can still make an informed choice.
What If Dad's Bills Aren't Being Paid, but You Have No Power of Attorney?
This is one of the most practical questions families face, and it can become urgent quickly. You may know that the mortgage is overdue or that a parent has been sending money to a scammer. Knowing about a problem, however, doesn't necessarily give you authority to access their accounts, redirect their money, or sell property.
Before taking action, find out whether a Power of Attorney or another relevant document already exists. Check whether a spouse, trusted relative, or other person has been named and whether the document grants the authority needed for the particular task.
If no usable document exists, an elder law attorney can help you assess the circumstances and discuss what options remain. Those options may depend on your parent's current capacity, the urgency of the problem, the type of assistance needed, and whether less restrictive forms of support are available.
Access to a parent's online banking password or possession of their checkbook should not be treated as a substitute for legal authority.
What If Your Parent Already Signed a Power of Attorney?
Finding an existing document is an important first step, but it doesn't always resolve every problem. You'll need to understand who was named, whether a successor agent is available, what authority the document grants, and when that authority can be exercised. The wording of the document matters.
A Power of Attorney also doesn't automatically mean your parent loses the right to make their own decisions. Families sometimes expect the document to give them complete control, only to discover that the parent can still act independently or that the document doesn't authorize a particular transaction.
Financial institutions may also require documentation or review the Power of Attorney before allowing an agent to act. If you have a Power of Attorney but aren't sure what it permits, have an Indiana attorney review it before making significant financial decisions.
When Does Guardianship Become Necessary in Indiana?
If your parent can no longer execute a valid Power of Attorney, existing documents are insufficient, and important decisions cannot be handled through other appropriate means, adult guardianship may need to be considered.
In Indiana, guardianship is a court process. The court considers whether the adult is incapacitated and whether appointing a guardian is necessary to provide care or manage the person's property. Depending on the circumstances, a guardian's authority may concern personal decisions, financial matters, or both.
Guardianship is a significant step because it can affect a person's decision-making rights. Less restrictive alternatives should be considered when appropriate, including informal support, supported decision-making, Powers of Attorney, healthcare representatives, and other arrangements.
Families sometimes reach this point after months of trying to manage a parent's needs without formal authority. Others face a sudden crisis, such as a hospitalization, serious financial exploitation, or an immediate need for care. An attorney can help determine whether guardianship is appropriate, what evidence may be needed, and whether a more limited alternative could address the problem.
Common Questions About Dementia and Power of Attorney
Can I get Power of Attorney for my mom without telling her?
A Power of Attorney requires your mother's participation and voluntary decision to grant authority. It is not a document an adult child can secretly create on her behalf. If she cannot execute a valid document and legal intervention is necessary, an attorney can explain the available alternatives.
My dad has dementia but still has good days. Can he sign a POA?
He may be able to, depending on whether he has the required capacity to understand and voluntarily execute the document. A diagnosis alone does not answer that question. Because capacity can be fact-specific, arrange a legal consultation rather than waiting for the situation to become more difficult.
Can I make medical decisions for my parent if I'm their oldest child?
Being the oldest child does not automatically give you unrestricted authority to make healthcare decisions. Indiana law, existing healthcare documents, your parent's ability to decide, and the particular medical circumstances all matter. Review any healthcare representative appointment or other advance planning documents before assuming who has authority.
What if my parent refuses to see a doctor?
You can share your concerns with their healthcare provider, although privacy rules may limit what the provider can disclose to you. A medical evaluation can be important when there are changes in memory, reasoning, or the ability to manage daily life. If there is an immediate safety concern, seek appropriate medical or emergency assistance.
Is guardianship the only option if there's no Power of Attorney?
Not always. Indiana recognizes a range of less restrictive supports and legal arrangements. Whether any of them will work depends on your parent's needs, capacity, existing documents, and the decisions that must be made. Guardianship may be necessary in some cases, but it should not be assumed to be the only possible answer.
Should we wait until Mom's dementia gets worse before updating her estate plan?
Waiting can narrow the available options. If your mother can still participate in legal planning, this may be an important opportunity to review her Powers of Attorney, healthcare documents, will, trust, and beneficiary designations. Any changes must reflect her own wishes and satisfy the applicable legal requirements.
A Power of Attorney Is Only One Part of the Plan
When a parent has dementia, families often focus on getting a Power of Attorney because they need someone to pay bills or speak with a financial institution. That's understandable, but the broader plan deserves attention too.
Who can make healthcare decisions when appropriate? Are treatment preferences documented? Does the family know where important records are kept? Are the people named in existing documents still willing and able to serve? If long-term care becomes necessary, has anyone considered how it may be paid for?
For Indiana families, the answers may involve financial Powers of Attorney, healthcare planning documents, wills, trusts, beneficiary reviews, guardianship considerations, and long-term care or Medicaid planning.
No single document solves every problem. The goal is to make sure the pieces work together.
How Vick Law Can Help Families Facing Dementia and Power of Attorney Concerns
At Vick Law, we understand that these calls often come after a family has already tried everything they can think of. You may be worried about a parent who refuses help. You may have found an old Power of Attorney and have no idea whether it still works. Perhaps you're facing a hospital discharge, unpaid bills, or a long-term care decision without knowing who has legal authority to act.
We can begin by reviewing what is already in place and discussing what is happening now. If your parent can still participate in planning, we can discuss appropriate Powers of Attorney, healthcare documents, and other estate planning options. If capacity is uncertain or has significantly declined, we can help your family understand the legal issues, consider available alternatives, and discuss whether guardianship may be appropriate.
We can also discuss how incapacity planning fits with long-term care and Medicaid planning when those concerns are part of the picture.
You don't need to wait until every bill is overdue or a medical emergency forces the issue. If you're beginning to worry about a parent's memory, financial decisions, or ability to manage daily responsibilities, this is a good time to understand your family's legal options.
Book a call with Vick Law online HERE to schedule an elder law and estate planning consultation. You can also contact us with the information below.
Vick Law, P.C.
3209 W. Smith Valley Rd.
Suite 113
Greenwood, IN 46142
(317) 884-3133
www.vicklaw.org
Key Takeaways
- You cannot force a parent to sign a Power of Attorney. The decision must be voluntary, and the person must have the capacity required to execute the document.
- A dementia diagnosis doesn't automatically end planning options. Some people with early-stage dementia may still be able to make legal decisions.
- An existing POA deserves a careful review. Its terms determine who can act, when, and with what authority.
- Guardianship may be necessary in some situations. Indiana courts consider whether guardianship is needed, and less restrictive alternatives should be explored when appropriate.
- Early planning gives your parent a greater voice. Reviewing legal and healthcare documents before a crisis can help preserve their choices and clarify responsibilities for the family.
This article is for general educational purposes only and does not constitute legal advice or create an attorney-client relationship. Capacity, Powers of Attorney, guardianship, healthcare decisions, and Medicaid planning depend on individual circumstances and current Indiana law.
References
ElderLawAnswers (April 15, 2026) "How Do I Get POA for a Resistant Parent With Dementia?"
